Meme?
So I’ve been tagged for a meme. Thanks to Paige for tagging me, and subsequently explaining in detail what exactly it meant and what I had to do. Again, my apologies for being stupid about this stuff. I’m basically a blog virgin; that’s my excuse.
So, anyway, onto “the rules” (which I plan on breaking — more on that later).
The Rules:
- Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
- Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
- Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
- Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
So, 7 random and/or weird facts. Here we go:
1.) I have a great love for all things Eastern European. Partly because of my Polish heritage, and partly because of my travel experiences in Eastern Europe which I hold near and dear to my heart.
2.) I tend to tear up fairly easily. Not just when I’m sad — no, when I’m happy, mad, excited, emotional, frustrated, or laughing. I think it’s hereditary — all of the women (and some of the men) in my family are the same way.
3.) Possibly nothing makes me happier than seeing a good musical. Generally the cheesier the better. And yes this does include musical films intended for tweens. I know this is very dorky.
4.) I am and always have been a dog lover but just recently have started to come around to liking (some) cats thanks to getting to know the furry felines of friends of mine (such as this cutie here.)
5.) Possibly my biggest bad habit is procrastination. I get majorly stressed out when trying desperately to finish something when the deadline is approaching, yet it doesn’t seem to keep me from procrastinating again and again.
6.) I love the night. I don’t know why but often times it is more appealing to stay up all night than it is to sleep. There is something about a night time vibe that nothing during the day can replicate. I can also get by on ridiculously little sleep, short term at least.
7.) I’m 31 years old and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
Now for the rule breaking. The only people I know with blogs are those of you who have kindly commented on mine (some of you whom I know, and some who I only know through your words. And those of you whom I know have already been tagged for this meme.) So here are the new rules: If you are reading this, you have been tagged. If you have a blog, go ahead and link it in the comments section of this post. If you don’t blog, feel free to post your list right in the comments section. Frankly the idea of all of us sharing 7 strange/random/wonderful/weird facts about ourselves gives me the warm fuzzies. (And yes I will now sign off before I start humming “It’s A Small World After All.”)
Illusions vs. Reality
Tonight it hit me that for at least the last several months of my marriage I had been living an illusion that only existed in my own mind. That’s a scary notion. And it made me really start to wonder. How much of my life as I have known it has been an illusion? How many of my memories have been no more authentic than impressions created solely by me? Is it possible that all of my relationships, friendships, or other connections throughout my life have only been held in importance on my end alone? Am I merely a legend in my own mind?
I find myself analyzing situations from not only the recent past, but the distant past, as well as the present with entirely new eyes. Yes, it is possible that all that I have held dear have merely been my own fantastical creations. Some people have made comments that my ex lost his grasp on reality. I’m beginning to wonder if perhaps I never had a grasp on reality in the first place. What is real? What is merely one’s perception? Does one’s perception create one’s reality? If so, wouldn’t that mean that reality is in fact not real?
Jaded
Baby
You’re so jaded
‘Cause I’m the one that jaded you.
~Aerosmith
No, I haven’t given up on blogging already. I just haven’t had a topic in quite some time. The debris seems to be settling, and the drama subsiding. Only constant internal monologues remaining. I sometimes wonder if this is normal when one lives on one’s own. To be honest I’ve never completely lived on my own full-time before in my life. It sounds a bit ridiculous, I know. So I don’t know how much of what I’m experiencing is normal for a person living alone, or how much is a reaction to recent events. It’s a little unnerving at times, I have to admit.
One theme I keep coming back to in conversations with others (and that blasted internal monologue) is the subject of being jaded. How jaded I am now. How jaded I ought to be. How jaded I should have been all along. As soon as my previous life as I knew it started crumbling people warned me that I would be jaded forever going forward. While analyzing the breakdown of the marriage, I chided myself for not being jaded enough all along.
However, I came to a different conclusion just recently.
There is no reason I ought to have been jaded. Being jaded would have meant questioning every joy I did experience. Being distrustful. Being cynical. And, yes, perhaps had I known then what I know now, I ought to have been those things. But I’m glad I wasn’t. Because you are supposed to trust in your spouse. You are supposed to treasure joy for what it is. And you are supposed to embrace life events and feelings rather than be skeptical of them. So, no, even if some people may call me naive or foolish, I’m not sorry I did those things.
And to that point, I don’t want to be jaded now or in the future. Sure, I may be more cautious. Sure, my heart may be more tender. But I want to live my life; not sit on the sidelines making cynical comments about it. I want to experience emotions full throttle; not simply the watered down versions. I don’t want to live my life with kid gloves on. What is the point of living if one doesn’t do so fully and completely?
The way I figure it, I’ve been through what I can only imagine is one the most painful devastating events a person can experience. And I’ve survived. I’ve learned. I’ve evolved. If not for the pain there would be no reward.
So here I go back into the world, without my training wheels of jadedness to keep me from falling. It is through our mistakes and our mishaps that we learn and, eventually, accomplish more than we thought we could before.
